What is a Funeral?

In its most basic of terminology, a funeral is a service with your loved one present, Today, many families are creating services to fit their belief structure, meet their personal needs and tastes,

and are finding ways to make them as unique as the person they are honoring.

By whatever term you use, Funeral, Memorial Service, Celebration of Life, or an intimate gathering of friends, the goal is the same: we do these difficult, necessary tasks to :

Provide a climate for mourning and expressing grief

Allow the sorrows of one to become the sorrows of many, and thus, reduced

Is one of the few times love is given and not expected to be returned

Provide a vehicle for the community to pay their respects

Help confirm the reality and finality of a death

Declare that a life has been lived, someone was loved, a death has occurred,

and now a new reality has set in for survivors

What Makes a Funeral?

No matter where it's held, a funeral is a structured ceremony, with a beginning, middle and end. Each is intended to engage the participants in activities which will transform their status within the community, provide mourners with a collective experience to express one's grief and celebrate a life lived. It's a socially-acceptable way for members of a community to re-affirm and express their social attachments to each other.

Anthropologists label a funeral as a rite of passage, which affects everyone involved, including the deceased. His or her social status changes dramatically, from a living, contributing member of the community to one whose contributions, through recalling their memories, and sharing their story, are honored and remembered. But the status of each of the survivors—the immediate family most especially—has also changed. In fact, the funeral service can be the start of a defined period of mourning for bereaved family members, marking this transition in a uniquely identifiable way, and is a needed step in working through one's grief to living in the new reality.

It could be said then, the focus of a funeral—no matter where, no matter when—lies in acknowledging change. And without doubt, human beings (as individuals and as a community) have trouble dealing with profound changes like the death of an integral member of the group. When you take this perspective, it becomes easier to understand the importance of ceremonially acknowledging the tear in the social fabric and the symbolic restoration of its integrity.

"I don't want a funeral!"

We hear this statement many times from families we have the honor to serve. Their loved one, for whatever reason, didn't want a funeral service.

Now what are the surviving family members to do to allow the community to gather around and support the surviving family members?

We can help! The directors here at Bibber Memorial Chapel are experts at providing alternatives to traditional services, allowing families to honor their loved one's wishes, while meeting their own needs of saying goodby surrounded by friends, family, and the community.

"Grief shared is grief diminished"

Source:

Huntington, Richard and Peter Metcalf, Celebrations of Death: The Anthropology of Mortuary Ritual, Cambridge University Press, 1979